Your lines feel stripped down and unguarded. There’s no performance in them — just exposure.
That image of giving your heart to “anyone with an ear / with an eye” carries a kind of exhaustion and defiance at the same time. It reads like someone who refuses to go numb, even knowing the cost.
And that closing movement — the yellow fog, the hollow men — it lingers. It doesn’t shout. It settles.
If this is the direction you’re moving in, it’s sharp. It holds.
I stopped breathing with the first line, though I was anxious to finish and breath again, you made me crawl, was it hypoxia , the shortness of breath, the increased heart beat, when I reached the end , breathed again, the dizziness remained, now I, the deaf a mute, the blind beggar, ask , is this the way the world ends, not with a bang , but a whimper from T S Eliot?
I was fine until my eyes began to drown in tears after I read this.!!!
awww thank you so much for reading though! sending you love <3
Habibti 🫂🥹
Your lines feel stripped down and unguarded. There’s no performance in them — just exposure.
That image of giving your heart to “anyone with an ear / with an eye” carries a kind of exhaustion and defiance at the same time. It reads like someone who refuses to go numb, even knowing the cost.
And that closing movement — the yellow fog, the hollow men — it lingers. It doesn’t shout. It settles.
If this is the direction you’re moving in, it’s sharp. It holds.
thank you for reading! i head in all directions, really.
Thank-you, that was intense;
I stopped breathing with the first line, though I was anxious to finish and breath again, you made me crawl, was it hypoxia , the shortness of breath, the increased heart beat, when I reached the end , breathed again, the dizziness remained, now I, the deaf a mute, the blind beggar, ask , is this the way the world ends, not with a bang , but a whimper from T S Eliot?
yep, TS Elliot and the Cure :)
and The Cure, an interesting influence. like I said it was intense, well done. thank-you for sharing it.
Any thoughts Dylan Thomas and The Clash?
was never much into Dylan Thomas (Wallace Stevens, TS Elliot, Sylvia Plath)
but i do like the Clash!
i often have Guns of Brixton in my head these days.
Bleak, but meaningful.......sadly.
Our world has lost reality and there are no enduring values. The 'robot arm' is the future. How did we, human beings, allow this to happen??
I don't understand our depraved, rapidly changing world anymore and maybe i don't want to so that i can preserve my sanity.
thank you for reading! i agree that the robot arm is the most disturbing part :)
Breathtaking.
aww thank you for reading! <3